We got to the Jasmine suite and signed in at reception (new receptionist) and sat down to wait, I can't begin to explain how I felt... excited and a bit scared, because I was finally going to find out what to happen.
Jenna (the registrar) walked past and said to Dave "you wont be waiting long"... we just sat there hold each others hands, the suddenly Barbara walked round the corner and said "are you ready?" so we walked through, she showed us into an exam room and said she would be back in a minute.... She came back in a few minutes later, with Jenna and a big file, Jenna sat down and said, "before I give you any answers, what do you already know?" so I explained that I knew I had to have a mastectomy of my right breast and I knew that the MRI had found "something" in my left breast and I had had 3 biopsies taken of that and I was waiting for the results.
So she told me that the "something" in my left breast was definitely Cancer, but it was a different type of cancer, In my right breast I have "Invasive lobular carcinoma" and in my left breast I have "Invasive ductal carcinoma"..... I don't do things by halves do I?
Jenna said she would go and speak to the top surgeon who has agreed to talk to me and explain my options, and she left.... Barbara stayed and talked to us a bit longer, she explained that it didn't matter who did my surgery... who ever did it, the operation would be the same.... Then she asked if we wanted a cuppa..... "hell yes"! so she fetched me a coffee and Dave a tea and then left us to talk for 10 or 15 minutes.
We started to talk about what we were going to do.... but it was like I had hit an information overload.... my mind just shut down.
Jenna and Barbara came back in with the top surgeon, he looked at the file and asked if it would be ok if he examined me, so I said yes, Barbara got me a gown and helped me undress behind the curtain, and the surgeon came and examined my left breast, then he told me that I could get dressed... so I did... when I came back from behind the curtain, Dave looked at me and said "that's the only other bloke I would let touch your boobs" it made me giggle.
The surgeon then sat down and told us all the options, he explained that without the pre-existing problem in my right breast, they would probably offer a lumpectomy, with a chance of having to go back and have further tissue removed at a later date.... but because I was having to have a mastectomy on the right side, he recommended a quadrantectomy, which means he is going to take a section about a quarter of my breast, but because the cancer is close to my nipple he will be removing that as well.... and he also explained because of the cancer in my other breast I have a legal right to have a full mastectomy on the left side as well as the right... It's my choice.... he explained in detail what would happen but I couldn't take it in... he then told us if we needed to speak to him again they could make us an appointment Monday or Tuesday next week and then he left and Jenna followed... Barbara stayed.... I think she could see the confusion on my face, she explained that it was my choice and she didn't expect me to make the decision immediately, she would come to the house to see us on Friday at about 12 and we could make some decisions together when I had had a bit of time to let things sink in... She also explained that the ductal cancer was only grade 1 (about 1cm) and the MRI had shown that the rest of my left breast was clear with no sign of calcification (what ever that means)
We made no appointments to go back, Barbara will arrange all that on Friday when she comes round..
Dave put his arm around me and we slowly walked out of the Jasmine suite and out of the hospital.
It doesn't feel real..... it's almost like it's happening to someone else.
Dave has said he will back me what ever decision I make.... and I have so much support from friends and family.... So why do I feel so alone with this massive decision?
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