We turned up at the Jasmine suite on time for a change, signed in at reception and sat down to wait... My final set of results, This is my last appointment before my surgery next Wednesday.... Thank god, I have to say that the waiting has been the worst, but after today there will be no more waiting for results.
After 35 minutes in the waiting area, a nurse came and called my name, and with my husband holding my hand, we went into the little examination room to wait for the surgeon.... Ms Rogers (my surgeon) walked into the room followed by Barbara (my Macmillan nurse) Ms Rogers put her paperwork on the desk and said she was going to explain the MRI results because they were quite complicated... Me and Dave just looked at each other, we knew it wasn't good news then..... but never in my wildest dreams did I expect what was coming next.
She told me that the MRI has shown up another 6 or 7 tumours in my right breast, some of them quite near the nipple, there is no other choice, she is going to have to perform a mastectomy of my right breast.... My eyes filled with tears and I just looked at Dave... Oh god, it couldn't get any worse than this! Then Ms Rogers stated talking again, she told us that the MRI had also shown "something" in my left breast and they wanted to do an ultrasound scan and biopsy the "something", My surgery was cancelled and re-scheduled for Wednesday 8th September... She then said she was very sorry and she left, Barbara stayed so we could discuss things with her.
The tears were rolling down my face and I just kept saying "I only came in for a blocked milk gland", I must have looked like a total idiot, Dave put his arms round me and just held me tight while I cried for a minute or two and then I remembered my daughter was out in the waiting room so I calmed myself down, Barbara said they wanted to do the ultrasound and biopsy today... All I could think was, "my daughter has to be at the orthodontist in half an hour", bless her, she had waited for two and a half years to get this appointment.... Dave said he would take her and then come back and pick me up when they had finished. A nurse came in and fetched Dave and myself a cup of coffee and Barbara went out to the waiting area and fetched our daughter in and we told her the news, She had a little cry and then she was ok, Dave said it was time to go get her teeth done and Barbara said she would sort out the ultrasound... I asked if it would be ok if I walked them to the car, she said it would be fine, I just had to make sure I checked back in at reception when I got back.
As we walked through the hospital it was like I was in a daze, it wasn't that I needed to walk them to the car, I just desperately needed a cigarette. When we go outside of the hospital, Dave lit me a cigarette, gave a cuddle and told me that we would be fine, then he took our daughter to the orthodontist.
I sat on the wall outside the hospital and to be honest, I think my first cigarette just burned away between my fingers while I sat there, stunned.
I lit another cigarette, letting the nicotine get into my system and started thinking.. I finished my cigarette and started walking back into the hospital, I stopped at the little shop and bought a bottle of coke, I think I needed the sugar rush, when I got back to the Jasmine suite, I signed back in and just sat there watching the television, I couldn't tell you what I watched, I just sat there for the next hour with tears slowly rolling down my face, next thing I know, Dave walked back in with Micky (my daughter) he gave me a cuddle and told me that it was a good job he had always been an arse man, that made me giggle... Then the nurse came through and took me for my ultrasound and biopsy, When we were done, they made me an appointment for the following Friday, 3rd September for my results and let us go home.
We went home but I still don't think it has sunk in yet.
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